On a recent trip to a local senior living facility as a hospice volunteer, I had an epiphany. As I was sitting and chatting with a patient, I looked around and, not for the first time, noticed that we were a collection of women. The only men I saw were a few patients among many more women patients.
The staff, the nurses and nursing assistants, most of the patients, and all the volunteers I had encountered over the past year were women. And kudos to all of them who show up to do the challenging work of caregiving.
There are some myths and occasional confusion over the role of hospice in end-of-life care. In the simplest terms, hospice is not a hospital or a place someone is sent to die. Instead, it is a philosophy of care. It is a way of helping people to live out the remaining days of their lives with comfort and dignity. In that way, volunteering very often looks different from what people imagine when they picture a bedside vigil and a quiet room.
I am a hospice volunteer in a memory care unit with several patients, a few of whom are active, who participate in activities, and who love to chat. Outside of the facility’s established lunch hours, I am not sure what will be happening when I arrive. My patients might be watching TV, resting in the fresh air, or playing a game. I ask if they want a visit and if they do, I sit and see where the time takes us.
As I looked around the other day, I thought: where are the men who volunteer?
My epiphany might not seem so remarkable, but it is this: men need other men to talk to.
The topics might be universal, but it’s different when it becomes a conversation between guys – about sports or politics, grandkids, Lally columns, crossword clues, music, etc. There is connection and comfort that we have naturally when we are a group solely of women chatting, or a group of only men talking. If you’ve ever complained about the Sox, lamented how many new stop lights have popped up around town, paired marigolds with tomato plants to ward off hookworms, or reminisced about a special pet who passed away – then you already have what you need to start volunteering with hospice. You have an ear to listen and understand. You have a voice to read the paper aloud, sing an old song, or laugh at an old story. With all that, and empathy for a dying person who would just like to shoot the breeze with another guy, you are ready to get started.
After passing safety screening, there is required training before anyone can start visiting patients.
Different hospice providers have different approaches, and you will want to find the right fit for you.
VolunteerMatch.org lists opportunities according to zip code, or you could do your own searches for local organizations.
There are many needs that aren’t met for people who are dying, and that is across every possible demographic. If you feel inspired to volunteer, let these words of John F. Kennedy push you into service: “Every person can make a difference, and every person should try.”
– Sandra Carlin